You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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