somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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