i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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