perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
