I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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