Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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