Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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