Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
