you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
