We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
