Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
