mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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