Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
sarcasm needs its own font
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
