This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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