Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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