Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
