We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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