You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
