you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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