help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
