I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
