in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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