home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
