I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
