Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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