Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
