Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
