we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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