Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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