I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
