hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
