This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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