Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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