Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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