gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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