I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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