did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
