My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
