fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
