You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
