I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
