It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
