fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I want to fling myself into the sun
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
