He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
