there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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