All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
