worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
