she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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