Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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