I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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