We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
