So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
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Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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