I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
