omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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