that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
