U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
