I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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