We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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