I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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