You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
