Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
