the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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