Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
