I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
