Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
