you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
