You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This is the high leading the old right now
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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