she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
