Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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