if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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