I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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