I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
