guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
