did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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