Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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