Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
