I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
