I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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