I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
